Watching Disney movies as little kids, we’ve created in our minds an idea of what love is supposed to be like. We’ve always dreamt of finding our prince charming or our princess with whom we would live happily ever after in a castle and have twenty-eight beautiful royal babies. (Yeah ok!)
This idea of love we’ve conceived in our heads is just an illusion of what love truly is. Unfortunately, a lot of people rely on this idea and think that relationships are supposed to be perfect and just like a fairy tale. They think their partner is supposed to be 100% like they imagined them to be. This right here is a really selfish idea of the concept of love.
First of all, I want to start by clarifying something you might have heard before: to love someone else, you need to love yourself first. Let me explain this meaningful and powerful sentence to you that I have tattooed on my left forearm (that kind of tells you how much it means to me). I strongly hope it sticks in your head like the lyrics of “Shape of you” by Ed Sheeran that used to play on every radio station fifty-seven times a day. When you love yourself, it means that you’ve accepted yourself as you are. It means that you’re aware of your qualities and your flaws. It means that you are ready to welcome someone else in your life and be conscious that they won’t be as perfect as you would want them to be because you know you’re not perfect yourself. Being with someone when you haven't learned to accept yourself can lead to problems such as jealousy and dependency. The last thing you want is to depend on someone for your happiness.
Furthermore, in relationships, you need to know the difference between the words “sacrificing” and “compromising”. In healthy relationships, we compromise. Compromising means that we come to an agreement where both parties can almost equally benefit from a situation. In an unhealthy relationship, we sacrifice. Sacrificing means giving up on something that you strongly want or believe in. Here’s the thing, if you’re in a relationship where you feel you need to sacrifice your greatest needs and desires you’ll start feeling unhappy and empty. You'll feel like you can't grow as a person because your partner is slowing you down or stopping you from doing the things that make your eyes sparkle.
In healthy relationships, both you and your partner should be helping each other grow into better versions of yourselves. You should both feel loved, appreciated and motivated to accomplish your mutual and personal goals. A relationship should bring the best out of you. You should feel the effort that your partner makes and you should invest back as much effort. Even in healthy relationships, not every day is going to be beautiful and sunny. Some days are going to be a little cloudy and some days, maybe a bit worse but that’s okay. It’s okay because it will force you to communicate and you'll learn how to solve your problems together. It is really important to try to be understanding and not think that you and only you is right. Learn to see things in your partner’s perspective as well.
Now, ask yourself these questions: “Is the relationship I am in make me distance myself from the things I enjoy doing or the people I love?”, “Is the relationship I’m in make me feel like I am not good enough?”, “Is the relationship I’m in make me anxious or unmotivated?” If you answered yes to the all the questions above, you should maybe reconsider your relationship.
I am certainly not a relationship expert neither did I study psychology, but I know one thing for sure and that is if you’re not able to be yourself completely and if you don’t feel blessed, happy and fulfilled in your relationship, maybe it isn’t the best thing for you. Let me finish on this note: sometimes, it’s better to walk alone than to walk with someone in the wrong direction.
“A great relationship is about two things: appreciating the similarities and respecting each other’s differences."
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